Saturday, August 29, 2009

a grey whales white bones.

I just wanted to let you know.
that when we are talking on the phone
beginning to leave.
about to end our conversation.
about to say goodnight.
when i say "wait" or
when I say your name
I catch your attention.
I catch it, so I dont have to hangup
I dont have to end another conversation.
cause I never really want to say goodnight
goodbye
sometimes I like farewells.
not our farewells.
I just wanted to let you know, that when I do that, I really just want to keep you on the line.
so that you dont hangup
because recently I have learned
that when you do.
this new feeling erupts.
and it makes me curl
paper to a flame.
what a old story.
I wish I never said goodbye to you tonight.
I probably wouldn't be half the mess I am now.
I love you.

paper to a flame
paper to a flame
paper to a flame
paper to a flame
paper to a flame
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Wilted Lullaby

strangulated from the bad
though I had good times.
a little school tucked in the woods
shadowed by trees
mountains
freckled with chaparral.
let it go
she said
"you'll be fine."
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rose yates

one time

hand,heart,eyes,ayanda

horse,ride,jump,yay

dressage,leadchange,midland,horse

short shorts,booty,claire,wet,hair

last day,sad,grey,reservoir

rug,UO

dog,laugh,claire,midland

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I bid thee farewell

he had other fish to fry...

tropical storms
hurricane run.
a 15 year old cat can still play
play play play
who knows what im saying
donor oberst doesn't care that I like him
or I like his music
he doesn't care
that when he sings, he sings about me.
he doesn't care that I'm making a creepy pointless post from the absence of him.
wheres my ipod?
I cant find it.

oh, i know.
its with all my other dreams...
back in California

sean,flower,tree,love,hotttest man,dead sexy

Thursday, August 27, 2009

a blue bike for two.

so while summer leaves.
it leaves in a hurry
I cant enjoy it
when its back in Cali
My boyfriend, my friend, my ex friend, Maureen, my family.
those are summer
just a few months,
but they are summer.
But sometimes when I think about it, I knew it would leave fast, I knew it would happen, I sat with my friend at AJ's waving goodbye, so I scratched a rock. only I think I know that the only thing that stays is scars.
I hope that rock is scarred.
and I hope it never heals.
soo goodbye summer, Farewell California, even though the peaches in that bowl downstairs are like me, from there.
They will wilt and rot, or be eaten.
but though such similarities have occurred, 10:16 your time 1:18 mine, I will not wilt, rot or be eaten.
because I have been scarred.
I will stay.
Photography Pictures, Images and Photos

Saturday, August 1, 2009

I dont know why

I feel like this.
Maureen texted me asking me to come to the camp out
I was really excited, I could meet new people, and talk, go on the zip line, ride ATV's.
but then 4:00 comes around and I have no ride.
Maureen being a good friend, says she can give me a ride.
but
something happened
between 2-4
probably something to do with that boy.
I just cant pin point it.
I feel really selfish, she wanted me to come because theres going to be no one else. but I always do things for other people, and I just want to stay in my clean room and be depressed, for the first time all summer.
I just want to curl up next to a imaginary him
and
maybe
just
maybe
I'll wake up and he'll be there.

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shitty friend, ok lover.

I have a lot of friends. I have so many I cant even remember some of their names, every single person at my old school liked me, in some way, those are my friends. I have friends from when I was a baby, like Maureen Davis and Lily Sauer, I know friends of Maureens, who I call my friends, Like Jake, though its a bad example, he is my friend. I met a girl named Chloe through Maureen, and a boy named Brian through Jake. I know people through people I barely know. I know people in Petaluma like Sierra, Shannon, Daniel, Josh, Dylan, Ian, Shelby (vampire), Keenan, Mary, Maggie, Logan, Sheyda. I cant even remember some. thats a lot! right? do you like that? I have older friends too, people through my mom and through my dad. Naomi, Carrie. I have friends from school, Ayanda, Aidan, Rose,Jarrett,Lake, Claire, Evan, kalia, Corina, Becca, Joey. Too many to name actually. I know Savannah B. through Kalia who is friends with Jenna, who I get along with and who i call my friend. I know a boy named Jonathan who knows Kalia who also knows Jeremy who I met. I met Sean with Kalia and Ayanda with a boy named Nick, who thought I was attractive. I have the ability to make attractive men, and not so attractive men like me. BOYS LIKE ME. I am in love with Sean, I know his friends, like Evan and Mike. I wouldn't call them my friends, but hey, at least they are people. I know at one point I didn't have friends, and I know you can take that however you like. But I know im as fucking social as they get, so thanks for the recognition, and im proud that I can get along with random people, fuck, I basically get along with everyone. I cant wait to meet new people at this new boarding school. I cant fucking wait to kiss Sean, I CANNOT WAIT. I cant wait to continuously make new friends, because I'm just blessed with this curse. So I might be a shitty friend, but I'm sure as hell a okay lover.

slightly corrosive

I couldn't tell if it was me being scared, or me being stubborn. Boarding school is far, boarding school is different. I know, I know, Ive been there the past two years. I'm one of those kids, though somewhat deranged, slightly corrosive, and completely in love under so many wrong circumstances. Boarding school has given me two things, a phenomenal man who ludicrously showers me with love and affection, and a independent panorama of the world. I could never have Sean if he lived next door, I couldn't, he would know me so well, too well. ogling from his window, he would watch the girl next door in her white floral array. he wasn't in love, boys like Sean don't just fall in love with the girls like her, they fall in love with a girl who will bound through a mess of foam and watered down salt seeming to be surveying the cold pacific, and maybe a little more of her life. I think about these moments sometimes, the moments when i first met him, its silly the circumstances, under which we met. so silly.