east of august.

Cape Cod today.
I thought it was weird, today was the first day I really started to appreciate New England. I really liked the trees, the vast beaches speckled with boats. It is the first time the sunset didnt bother me.
first time.
Im glad its the first time, I'm glad I'm starting to realize that not everything is California, other things have value, and they now to me, have value.
sometime, somewhere in between running knee high in warm salty water, accumulating rutted white scallop shells, playing with a family of pocket sized periwinkles I lost the nostalgia.
I just lost it.
something so bothersome seemed to disappear
but not completely.
Because things don't completely leave,
thing dont just up and go
they keep some cabinets open.
things dont just get lost.

I still mis Sean, and I still find it hard being away from him, I feel it hard to listen to lyrics of old songs, but with this new perspective. I cant really explain it, but I can recall it. Everything is being recycled, and I fall upon a Zoe I knew 3 years ago. I dont miss her one bit, but I miss Sean, so I gather this new out look, and sort of treasure it. but only "sort of"
but I hope this experience has taught me something.
I like the way my legs feel after running, I like the way they give in when I go down steps, I like that, and I hope I like the other things coming my way. I hope I dont become sad and depressed and allergic to the sun, i hope the periwinkles I saved are conversing in the shallow bay of Cape cod.
I hope that one day
one day
I will see
what its like
to completely lose nostalgia.
that one day
is California.